Is Your Anger Actually Depression in Disguise?
The Mask We Wear When We're Depressed
Have you been feeling a persistent sense of irritation lately, snapping at things that normally wouldn't bother you? Sometimes anger shows up as regrettable words toward a loved one or resentment that seems to come out of nowhere. While these feelings are often dismissed as simple frustration, for many people, anger is a mask for a much deeper emotion: depression. We tend to think of depression as sadness or a lack of motivation, but it can also manifest as impatience, irritability, and even rage. This is especially true for those whose social identities have conditioned them to suppress vulnerability and carry heavy responsibilities in silence.
Why Anger Can Be a Mask for Depression
Anger is a natural and valid emotion. As a therapist in Oakland, I often explain to clients that anger gives us clues as to when something is 'off' or when our boundaries have been violated. When anger becomes chronic, disproportionate, or confusing, it’s often pointing to something deeper. This isn’t to say that all anger is depression; sometimes a horse is just a horse. However, here are some ways that anger might be a stand-in for depression:
Unprocessed Pain Needs to Be Felt
Depression can sometimes be anger turned inward. When sadness, grief, or hurt doesn't feel safe to express—due to past trauma or a high-pressure environment—it gets rerouted into irritability. Given that many of my clients work in tech, healthcare, and education, these are high-pressure environments that are constantly in flux. My clients often share how “tough” behavior when things are challenging is the norm, no matter how devastating the circumstances may be, such as personal losses or layoffs.
Exhaustion Fuels a Short Fuse
Depression drains your energy and fogs your thinking. When you're running on empty, even small stressors like traffic or a long commute can feel like the last straw. Managing to get things done while burdened by depression is no small feat. When minor setbacks happen, it can feel as though the world is against you when you're trying your hardest to keep going.
Shame Hides in Anger's Shadow
Many people, especially those taught to be "strong," see sadness as a weakness. Anger can feel more acceptable or "in control" than admitting, “I’m overwhelmed, I feel alone, and no one sees it.” Many of my clients who identify as BIPOC grew up in families where expressing sadness was met with confusion, silence, and in extreme cases, anger. As a result, they have trained themselves to express feeling down as anger.
When your inner world feels depleted but life keeps demanding more, whether you're a teacher, a healthcare worker, or a professional working late, anger can become a form of armor. It may feel like the only thing holding you together.
Anger as Armor
Anger as armor creates distance that protects us from the roughness of the world. It’s a defensive strategy that can help us feel like we have some control over what happens to us. However, while anger can be a powerful shield, it also prevents others from seeing your vulnerability and offering support. This can lead to deeper feelings of isolation, reinforcing the very cycle you’re trying to protect yourself from.
How Can You Support Yourself?
Here are a few small steps you can take to begin caring for yourself:
Acknowledge It
When an emotion or situation arises, acknowledge and name it. This small act of self-recognition is called self-validation, and it is a powerful first step for those who have been shamed or silenced for expressing their emotions. If there is a friend or family member you can be vulnerable with, sharing your feelings with them can also help you feel seen. Sometimes, external validation is all we need to know that we’re not the only ones facing challenges in our lives.
Know Your Limits
Tension, fatigue, and irritability are signs that your body has had "enough." Our body is usually the first to give us clues about our needs. Listening to these signals and being curious about how your body is feeling and why it's feeling that way can help you decide what to do next. Do you need to take a break? Say something? Remove yourself from a situation? Get some fresh air?
Pause Before Reacting
There is a saying that feelings are not instructions. Practice taking a single deep breath before deciding what to do next. If you have a desire to crawl into bed, that’s okay, but maybe set a time limit and then do a few minutes of something that typically puts a smile on your face, like listening to jokes by your favorite comedian
Remember, you are not too angry, and you are not too sensitive. You are a human being, who is feeling emotions that all humans experience.
Conclusion
Tackling chronic anger means having the courage to look beneath its surface and acknowledge the pain it's been protecting. By recognizing anger as a potential sign of depression or emotional depletion, you can begin to listen to your body and mind with curiosity instead of judgment. This is a powerful step toward self-validation, which can allow you to either self-soothe or seek support. If your anger has been feeling more intense than usual, therapy can be a place to be seen without judgment. In a safe and supportive environment, we can explore what's beneath the surface, make meaning of your emotions, and help you reconnect with the steadier, more resilient version of yourself.
Cynthia Dimon, LCSW
In-person therapy in Oakland and online therapy in California
Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Oakland, CA
Specializing in therapy for women navigating anxiety, depression, and burnout.
www.cynthiadimon.com
info@cynthiadimon.com
Other post you may like…
